This past year came with lots of realization on what mattered in life. I valued what I have accomplished, whether at home, work, or in my photography, but one thing I have never valued is myself. I have always been a means to an end. I think I have been treated that way for far too long. Since that's all I knew, that I encourage that behavior towards me. I'm not trying to be all dark and gloomy, though now that I realized it, it just makes me see how many changes I need to undertake in my life.
It has to be changed from within and learn to put myself forward, which is different than putting myself first. I do not know how I am going to accomplish that yet. I have decided to take better care of my body. I started that in November, and now I have signed up for a gym in town. At some point, I would like to have a photoshoot of myself done by a pro, so I can see how I can look in someone else's eyes. I love working on projects and fixing problems; that is what I do as my main job. The other side of me is more artistic with my photography but also stories I have told. I have tried to write down some of them but never pursued it. My Tuesday evenings are reserved for my website and everything I can do indoor for my photography. I have a few nights I'm figuring out for the gym, soon I'll need to set up a time for my stories too.
Other changes might come from the people I have surrounded myself with. Some, I want to keep close, and some not. Not all human connections provide peace. I don't mind being pushed around if the purpose is to better myself, but if it is to be used, then I'm better off. I'm looking for inspiration in life, whether it is with a purpose or with a dream to let me breathe in this world.
I know who I am and what I want to be; I have never felt important enough to become that person.